I wake up, shower, brush my teeth, throw on some clothes… and then what? As a college athlete, almost all my days are planned out way in advance. Mondays were our off days this year and they were also the days I would go to work, so it was perfect for me because I was doing something productive every day. Now, I get up and go through my daily routine, but then I feel lost.

I've been staying inside for most of the last week now. My mom wanted me to come home to Bryant really bad, and of course I was going to listen to her, but as every day goes by this virus gets more and more serious. Now, my biggest fear is coming home and giving it to my parents, or grandparents, or my seven-year-old niece. But mom is always right so I packed up and came down here and have been locked up with the family. It is crazy how quick this virus went from something we joked about to changing all of our lives for who-knows-how-long.

I have found out a lot about myself the last few days, mostly the fact that I am not near as good at video games as I thought I was. I've never felt so lazy in my life, but it is hard to find something to do around here. I'm not much of a writer, but when I got offered to write something like this I thought it would be cool given the weird spot that I am in… and the fact that I am bored out of my mind.

I have definitely caught up on any sleep I lost during the season, but I'm afraid my sleep schedule is beyond repair. I mostly blame Tik Tok and Rocky movies for keeping me up all night. The most exciting part of my day is when I get a text to play Fortnite with some of my friends. We are horrible, but at least we can have a little fun when we are this far apart.

It feels exactly like the days after a full season ends. At the end of every year, I come home and do nothing for about a week. It is my way of getting over being sore and tired and gets my body feeling normal again. Only this time, my body feels like I could play another 50 games.
 

I never know what day of the week it is. I have almost missed 3 homework assignments because I had no idea it was due that day. I'm only in 13 hours total and 7 of those were already online, so keeping up with my classes hasn't been near as hard as it is for others. It is some extra stress trying to figure out how to get projects done and how I am going to take tests, but the professors are doing a good job helping us all out. I really feel for the nursing and dental students and others who have to figure out how to finish clinicals and stuff like that.

It's hard to shake the fact that I should be on a baseball field everyday but instead I'm searching for things to kill time. If you know me you know my life revolves around baseball, and honestly, I realize now more than ever what I want to do with my life. I am getting a marketing degree, but I now know that I need to be on a field doing something every day. I need to be a coach.

I am getting a marketing degree, but I now know that I need to be on a field doing something every day. I need to be a coach.

"It's just sports." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that and wow it is frustrating. We had a new pitching coach this year, a new conference, a ton of guys leave from last year, and a very young team. The amount of work and stress put into getting us ready and getting a young team like ours to compete at a high level in the hardest conference in division 2 is crazy to even think about. And although it was all worth it, right now it feels like all that work was wasted on a half season.

I do think it was the right decision. I'm extremely disappointed and frustrated that we couldn't finish out the year, and at first, I thought this was all taken too far. But, now I realize we all have a responsibility, and if you have to cut my season short to save even one life, I'm okay with that.

So, what's next for me? I am very lucky to be in the spot I'm in to be able to come back and use my extra year of eligibility, but it is not like that for everyone. JT, Cam, Trent, and Foster have been some of my closest friends over the last 2 years, and now I have no clue if we will all be on campus at the same time again. Danny got to UAFS with me freshman year and we have been best friends since. We have played 176 games together and won over 100. We were both apart of the only two 30-win seasons in UAFS history. It really feels like our careers together should've ended differently.

 I'm not sure who will come back and who won't, but it kills me knowing that their careers ended how it did, and that they may not get the closure they deserve. Holland always calls the last game of the year the worst day of the year because the seniors are crying, knowing they played their last game, and all the underclassmen are hugging and thanking them. It always sucks, but now I realize it is a way of giving the seniors some closure. Sure, it's the worst day of the year, but it is necessary to be able to move on after baseball.

Growing up it was all about baseball for me. I had two older brothers that played, one that played at UAFS and now coaches me here. I barely ever left a baseball field growing up, and when I did it was because someone forced me to leave. It's been 22 years of me giving this game everything I have, so it was an easy decision to come back after this craziness. It means a lot to me to be able to put on a UAFS jersey and represent the school the best way I know how. But it makes me dread the day that I will take it off for the last time.
 

This year, we had no idea it was going to be our last time putting on that jersey. It was March 12^th and we were all pumped to play that day after losing the series the weekend before. I finally started hitting good in practice, and I thought we might have found a lineup that worked for us. But we figured out pretty quick that we wouldn't get the chance to find out.

When we got the news that the games, and possibly the season had been canceled, I didn't want to leave the field. We were playing hacky sack, spike ball, fungo golf, wiffle ball, and anything else we could come up with. I had a feeling this could be the last time I was on a field with my team, so I was going to stay until someone kicked me out.
 

It means a lot to me to be able to put on a UAFS jersey and represent the school the best way I know how. But it makes me dread the day that I will take it off for the last time.

Now, the only communication I have with most of my teammates is group messages. The guys I saw everyday and went on 12-hour bus rides with are all split up in different places. It just feels off.

At some point I have to put this behind me and focus on next year. It is really really hard to be a senior leader on a team. I never realized that until I was put to the task, and personally I think I could have done a better job. But somehow, I'm lucky enough to get to learn from this year, and run it back next year.

For now, all that matters is staying safe. Remember to wash your hands, practice social distancing, and go Lions.